Thursday, August 14, 2008


Forget the past and you will learn again in the future. 

'Tis true, once again.  
Change. I'm all for change now.
Today was the day I had been waiting for since Sunday. Today was the day of a second chance, a new beginning, a fresh start -- from the ground up, of course. And within I'll say an hour into the supposedly 9AM court case, it was granted. Now when I say 'granted' -- I don't mean this was the last time I'll be sitting in the court audience w. our closest friends while my boyfriend awaits a verdict from the judge, but today marked a bit of closure for me. Closure in the sense that I know at the end of the day, at the end of this all .. everything is going to be alright. Alright for both Los & Justin. It's just gonna take a few more court dates -- but nothing nerve-racking, mind-bottling or anything of that extreme nature. It's just a slow steady process that's going to take time to 'mend'. 

I can live again. 
I can now stop losing sleep, stop crying, stop worrying, stop losing an appetite & just start focusing on my future.. our future. After a great night of reminiscing w. the bestest of our childhood growing up, it made me realize I was blessed to be this far at where I am now. We grew up around the same folks that are still around now that have done absolutely nothing for themselves for years, we watched the downfalls of so many people that could have had potential if they had only believed in themselves, and worse of all we're currently watching the next generation of people growing up too fast around us -- 17 year old girls w. babies, no more than a 10th grade education w. a hood mentality going absolutely nowhere in their lives. I can truly say, we're fortunate. So this realization helped bring me to this conclusion about myself & how I want to conduct myself now and for the rest of my life. It's simple -- I shall no longer associate myself w. people that aren't doing anything for me. I refuse to be around people w. no goal, no drive, no ambition to do anything. Period. This whole revelation made me realize another thing about myself and my emotions. Simply put, I let people that hold no weight in my life get me upset, angry, irate, etc, etc. I feel 'extreme' emotions are sacred & shouldn't just be dished out to just anyone, except those I truly care about. Why bother getting upset over someone that doesn't even matter? It's pointless & last night, I was upset over myself because I constantly do this. I let people get me upset and angry, when honestly, at the end of the day I shouldn't get a flying shit -- and I'm glad I've realized this now.

As for change, well I feel like I've just begun. I feel I have all the right ingredients to help me get there: a wonderful boyfriend + a great support system of friends, as well as an array of other positive things I can go on listing in my life -- but I'm fortunate, and I'm grateful. Now that this small low point is slowly digressing out of our lives -- I can move on. I can grow. We can move on. We will grow. 

Rebuilding starts now. 

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